Should I get married to ensure my survival lol :(



  • I’m turning 30 this year and am a primarily Housebound person. When I am worse I am close to bed bound. I happened to meet someone who loves and adores me, and is willing to take care of me, and very empathetic towards my illness. However, I’m not entirely sure how I feel back, although I do think he’s a wonderful person. Dating regularly is not much of an option as I don’t get out much - although don’t worry I hav met this guy in person many times and we have mainly had coffee dates within our respective homes, and there are zero concerns as to his integrity.

    I currently live with my parents, dad is a narcissist and anti disability , and my mum does an okay job of looking after me but doesn’t really facilitate me having much of a life (ie would not be okay taking me out in a wheelchair so I could go shopping or would not take me out for brunch). They would not be okay with me using disability equipment in the house.

    Anyway- half tempted to marry this guy just to ensure my survival in the future and so I have company. I know considering this makes me an awful person,

    Thoughts ?! 😭



  • @Gigi-McQueen I'm hoping he is a good man you could talk truthfully to and, between the two of you, you can work out some way ahead. Hopefully the choices are not to either reject him or live a life of pretense. There are many options in between.



  • @Gigi-McQueen Don't ever think that your thoughts make you an awful person; confused maybe, but you are worthy and deserving of making a life for yourself that can include others or a special other. When I read your post, I immediately identified with the struggles and issues that arise within families, who have a loved one with ME, living with them. This illness spares no-one, and that's why it is so important to try to find the pathway to good communication with your parents. I am not suggesting that you haven't tried, or done this, but your feelings towards your parents, are probably the catalyst towards you seeking ways out. Good communication is always the key to resolving any issues within families. ME and relationships, now that's a huge topic within itself. Hold dear to your new found friend; seek ways to improve your life within your family and never stop striving to reinvent your life. Having the love, support and care of those around us, isn't a magical thing that just appears. It requires a lot of ongoing effort, understanding, and maintenance and everyone needs to be on the same page. Find the first page to your story and move forward with confidence and integrity. Hopefully the characters include everyone involved. Start with you first; Thanks for sharing your thoughts.🌻



  • This will depend on your friend's feelings about the situation as well, but my advice would be to not feel that you have to follow any of the scripts society has set about how relationships should work. If your friend is open minded and honest, you may be able to come to a mutually beneficial arrangement that doesn't fit into any of the standard narratives of friendship or romance.

    I empathize with your situation a great deal as I am in fact going through something similar myself. I would like to send you a private message if that's ok?



  • @river thank you , I agree I will need to speak with him, and there are so many ways to have a relationship that is not quite conventional . You’re welcome to message me- is there a private messaging service on this forum? I’ll look out for it !



  • @crashdummy

    Thank you , that’s a really beautiful response.



  • @Dot

    Thank you . That’s really wise. I’ve already expressed my hesitations to him and he was wonderful in his response. So maybe I will just continue to be honest . X



  • @Gigi-McQueen said in Should I get married to ensure my survival lol 😞:

    is there a private messaging service on this forum?

    Yep you can get to it via the chat bubble icon in the top right of the page:
    chat.png


Log in to reply